Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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