Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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