I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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