Only a mothe r could love this liver
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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