All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do vagina's smell?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
