It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
