i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
