What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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