If that was your dad, he is hot
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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