i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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