Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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