I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
