yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
