if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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