look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
