That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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