No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is the high leading the old right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
