the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
