My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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