Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
