I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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