I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
