Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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