Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
