So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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