i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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