Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
