He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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