I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
