I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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