I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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