if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
