Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
