well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
