maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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