I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
