If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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