why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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