In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
