Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
