who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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