its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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