Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she smelled like a LAN party
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
