dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
