If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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