The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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