My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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