Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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