apparently the secret to your success is patron
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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