I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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