You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
