Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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