broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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