1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
one two three fourrrrnication!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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