True but thats because hes a fetus.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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