I can tuck mytits in my pants
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
