Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
