brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My ATM looks so different sober.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
