He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
