Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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