i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
