Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
