I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
