And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
