Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
