Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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