You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
