the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
